My short story "Burn this one, Daddy!" was published by Praxis Magazine!
It starts like this. Go to Praxis if you want to see how it ends.
My Dad didn’t grow up a redneck. He isn’t a redneck now. But, for the eight years we lived in rural Washington State, he was a redneck. It wasn’t a gradual progression. He didn’t start with flannel and slide into gun racks. He took a running start from the San Francisco Bay Area and barreled straight down redneck slope until he skidded to a stop in a town called Yacolt.
The man I called Daddy was a 23 year-old boy with two kids and another soon to follow. My parents packed up their new family and left sunny California for drizzly Washington because…well that is something of a family mystery. The closest I’ve ever gotten to an answer from my Dad was, “Wasn’t healthy.”
Before the move, my Dad was a strapping 6’1 stud with helmet hair and an unkempt drummer beard. He was the finest his era churned out; bell bottoms, biceps, a collection of vinyl that would make retro nerds weep, a freaking gold Corvette Stingray. Gold. The man was cool as cool.
After the move my Dad was a pudgy 6’1 red neck with helmet hair and a soup strainer moustache. He wore flannel shirts, he drove a pick-up truck with a gun rack, he mounted Elk antlers above our garage (he would have mounted the whole head but dogs ate the Elk’s tongue before he could get it mounted). He even let Kenny Rodgers and Alabama infest his beloved rock collection. From hippie stud to Jeff Foxworthy cover art, what a difference 696 miles makes.
His transformation was not about adapting to new surroundings. He reveled in the redneck. If you asked him about it today he would say something like, “That’s just the way it was.” Nonsense. All pigs are in shit, that’s their thing. They walk in shit, they lie in shit; pigs will be pigs. The phrase like a pig in shit refers to the pig that loves the shit; the pig that rolls in the shit and roots through the shit, the pig that leaps from the fencepost and canon-balls into the shit. My Dad canon-balled into his redneck phase and he loved every second of it...
29 February 2012
14 February 2012
Enjoy Siem Reap while you’re there. Have breakfast at The Paper Tiger. Have drink at Angkor What? Bar. If you find the lady selling passion fruit sorbet on a narrow side street buy it. It’s magical.
Songkran – Chiang Mai, Thailand
Songkran celebrates the Thai New Year (April 13-15th). According to tradition monks gently pour a mixture of water and Thai fragrance over a person to bring good luck in the coming year. This still happens behind the protected walls of the temples.
Songkran celebrations can be found throughout Thailand and Laos but nothing comes close to the madness in Chiang Mai. For nearly a week the whole of the old city becomes the world’s biggest water fight. The streets are packed on both sides with people firing water guns and throwing buckets of moat water. The passing cars and scooters are armed as well. Tourists attack with any water they can get their hands on. The Thai people think ahead and ice down garbage cans full of water to give the farangs a frigid shock.
Me: No. That’s genius! I’ll be right back.
Do Something Artistic - Luang Prabang, Laos
Go Rock Climbing – Railay Beach, Thailand
It’s scary. It’s fun. It’s something you’ve probably never done before and might never do again. So why not?
Halong Bay Overnight – Vietnam
Most of the tour boat operators are surly and humorless. The lust for tourism dollars has led to a crowded bay, cave systems bathed in garish purple, pink and blue light, and an overall feeling of being herded and unwanted.
Once you’re lounging on the roof of a junk boat watching the emerald bay and limestone karsts unfold awe will overtake the bad parts.
In Vietnamese Halong means "Descending Dragon Bay." According to legend, when Vietnam had just started to develop into a country, they had to fight against invaders. To assist Vietnamese in defending their country, the gods sent a family of dragons as protectors. This family of dragons began spitting out jewels and jade. These jewels turned into the islands and islets dotting the bay, linking together to form a great wall against the invaders.
You will take 100 pictures of what the dragons left behind and not one of them will live up to what you saw with your own eyes.
Eat Everything – Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
The cultural mishmash of Indian, Chinese and indigenous Malay give the cuisine unparralled variety. Stay away from the fancy places in the city malls. Go down to the markets and street vendors. Eat clay pot chicken at a street hawker stand. Dine at a hole-in-wall Indian joint. Soak up all the flavors of Malaysia in the places locals can afford. The flavors are dumbed down in the tourist traps. On the street you’ll get the real deal.
Rent a Motorcycle in Pai – Northern Thailand
Laid back in the extreme, Pai is an easy place to laze away your days on a riverside hammock. And you should definitely do that. Just not all your days.
Pai is surrounded by canyons, rolling hills, mist covered mountains and even a few vineyards. The roads are empty and well paved. Rent a motorcycle and hit the open road. It’s hard to find a stretch without picturesque views. Bring your camera and cruise slow. Enjoy the beauty and vastness of Thailand’s mountainous north.
Bargain With a Vendor Kid – Phnom Penh, Cambodia
There is no shortage of people trying to sell you things in South East Asia. In Thailand its women offering beach massages and henna tattoos while you’re trying to catch some rays. In Vietnam its aggressive men hawking sunglasses shouting, “You! You! Happy Hour” even though it’s not happy hour and you’re already wearing glasses.
There are many reasons to despise this practice. The kids are dirty and disheveled. They should be in school. Nearly all of their profits go to local gangsters. In many cases they are the family’s breadwinner. It’s tragic. But, no matter how you feel about it, they are going to come at you in waves.
You can’t engage all of them, but you can give a few the time of day. Buy a book. Pay full price for it. But, bargain first. Get the kids talking. You will find that many of them are clever, funny and genuinely love the banter. Most people blow them off or refuse to acknowledge their existence. Be playful. For as long as you have that book it will remind you of a place and a child and the words that child spoke.
Drink Cheap Beer – Hanoi, Vietnam
It has the best architecture in Vietnam and it's go go go all day long. You could risk your life crossing streets exploring the city. Or you could find a busy corner-store that sells Bia Hoi and let the city come to you.
Bia Hoi cost about 10 cents a glass. It’s not the best beer in the world, but it is an excellent people watching beverage. In the busy streets of Hanoi you will see it all; insane traffic, vendors carrying their wares on wooden poles, cyclos carrying tourists in ridiculous outfits. Settle into a miniature plastic chair, sip on a few luke-warm brews and enjoy the sights and sounds of Vietnam.
Go Scuba Diving – Koh Tao, Thailand
If you are a diving enthusiast the Similan Islands on the Andaman Coast may be more your speed. But, if you are a beginner or a novice Koh Tao is the perfect place to explore the bright blue coral depths.
Diving in Koh Tao is cheap and easy to arrange. Everyone books dive tours on Koh Tao. EVERYONE. If you ask the lady selling Pad Thai in front of 7-11 in Sairee Beach she can probably book your trip.
Walk around and talk to different shops. Many of them have package deals that come with a free night accommodation. Scuba Junction is good. BANS is good. Talk to a handful and see what works best for you.
Koh Tao itself is a beautiful spit of an island. From end-to-end it's maybe 5km long (drivable road). On one end is Sairee Beach the tourist center and home to most of the dive shops. On the other end is Freedom Beach a gorgeous bay perfect for snorkeling. See both sides of the island. Check out the view point. Take a day trip to Yang Nuan Island adjacent to Sairee. You won’t be disappointed.
Treat Yourself to Tailor-Made – Hoi An, Vietnam
Its architecture is old and well preserved. It has a quiet tucked away vibe. The kind of place that seems protective of its smallness.
You can get anything custom made in Hoi An; jeans, sneakers, suits, dresses, you name it. Take a slow walk through the city, bargain with the vendors and come back to the one that feels right. Hotels will tell you that they have “the best deal” with so and so shop. Maybe they do. Maybe they don’t. You are better off taking your time and trusting your instincts.
Camp on Maya Bay – Phi Phi Islands, Thailand
Maya Bay is an extremely popular tourist destination. Its incredible beauty is sometimes marred by tourists playing Frisbee and screaming, “OMG, it’s just like the movie.” During the high season this is an unavoidable pitfall—unless you stay the night.
Stay on a Floating Bungalow – Cheow Larn Lake, Thailand
Its waters are clear, cool and surrounded on all sides by limestone cliffs. Hikes into the surrounding areas promise a diversity of flora and fauna. You may even run across a deer recently mauled by a tiger. I did. Spelunk Yeah!!
There are a number of floating bungalows on the lake. Most provide both room and board. For less than 40 USD you can spend two days/nights swimming, kayaking, and relaxing in an exotic, strikingly beautiful setting.
Walk on White Sands – Boracay Island, Philippines
06 February 2012
This is it. I’m standing at the edge and there is no turning back. If I jump on the next plane and head home, back to America, back to Southern California or San Francisco or wherever I decide to replanted roots I can restart where I left off. I can find a job similar to the job I had. I can sit confidently in interviews and spout off a bunch of nonsense about “Taking advantage of a down economy to see the world.” I can make eye-contact and lean forward for impact and say, “I’m ready to rejoin the workforce and make a long term commitment to this company.” And I can try not to puke on my shoes while I say it.
I can’t. I just can’t. Living abroad has changed me. It has made normal seem anything but. It has made the world bigger and smaller too. My travel check-list has grown exponentially yet nothing seems too far-fetched or too far away.
And I’ll tell you a secret—it’s not a difficult lifestyle to maintain. Most of the people I’ve met abroad took the leap with a couple of thousand dollars in the bank. Many of these same people have left Thailand to teach in Japan, Turkey, Taiwan, Vietnam, China and Eastern Europe. Others padded their meager savings while they were here and are currently actively traveling in South America, Central America and Scandinavia. They aren’t worried about running out of money because they’ve learned what I’ve learned: it usually works out.
If you want a career abroad it can be difficult. If you just want to work and see the world it’s not that difficult. There are countless volunteer opportunities, English teaching jobs, even jobs in hotels, bars and restaurants depending where you are. The ability to speak English fluently is a great commodity and one that you can use to skim your way across the globe.
You won’t get rich doing it. You won't own anything that can’t be packed into a backpack. You won't have a 401k or an investment portfolio. You won’t have any strategy to avoid depending on the social security check you’ll probably never see.
You will however discover that there are places in this world where you can live comfortably for $200 a month. You will discover that there are places in this world where decent healthcare costs a tenth of what it cost back home. And you will discover that with a little creativity and willingness to take a long bus ride or two you can dramatically reduce your travel costs.
I am going to Prague in early July to find a new teaching job. My friend Paolo is getting married in the Philippines around the same time. I didn’t think I was going to be able to go to his wedding. Flying into and out of Manila was going to cost me an extra $1000. That was a number I couldn’t swallow. Then I got creative. I booked a roundtrip ticket to Manila out of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for $120 and a one-way ticket from Kuala Lumpur to Prague for $100 less that it would have cost to fly out of Bangkok. Thus, the cost of going to my good friend's wedding dropped from $1000 to $20, my only inconvenience being a 10-hour bus ride to KL.
Yeah, but you can’t vagabond forever, right? True. At some point I will have to settle down somewhere and do something that I can do when I’m old and my feet no longer itch. The difference is before I left home my question was, Is my future in marketing or sales? Now my question is, Which continent is my future on?
I plan on enjoying the hell out of finding an answer to that question.
Since leaving home I have been just about everywhere in Thailand. I’ve been to the Angkor Temples in Cambodia. I’ve been to the urban jungle of Hong Kong. I’ve sunk my toes into white sand beaches in the Philippines. I’ve ridden a broken down Russian motorcycle half the length of Vietnam. I’ve floated the Mekong River in Laos. I’ve been up, down and around South East Asia. I’ve gathered a lifetime worth of stories in fifteen months and all I’ve seen is the smallest most compact part of Asia.
In April I’m going to Nepal to hike to the Mt. Everest base camp.
In July I am going to a wedding in the Philippines.
A week later I am moving to Prague without a job, or the prospect of a job and I’m not the least bit worried about it because it usually works out.
This latest adventure abroad could crash and burn. I could run out of money and go back to America with my tail between my legs. I don’t think that will happen. But, it is certainly possible. It doesn’t matter. I have to try, because crazy, exotic, land-of-smiles Thailand is starting to feel like a new normal and I can’t have that. I need to chase the high of new places and new adventures--Everest, Manila and Europe it is.
I am not leaving Surat until late June. I’ve got plenty of time to soak up the last bits left to soak. But, as excited as I am to leave I will be sad to leave it behind. Surat Thani and Thailand will always be my first adventure abroad. I learned how to travel here. I wrote a book and published a short stories here. I made countless friends that I will continue to skip across the globe with, because like me they are hopelessly addicted to life abroad.
For now normal is about the only thing in this world I don't want to see.
For now normal is about the only thing in this world I don't want to see.
Where is the video camera when you need it:
The other day I was running at a park behind my house. Six or seven Thai kids (7-8 years old) tried to run with me but couldn’t keep up. Seeing that the big white dude was too fast they decided to cut across the park to head me off. When I got to the other side they surrounded me, laughing and trying to get me to flex for them. I slowed my pace and started shadow boxing while singing the Rocky theme music, “Dunna na dunna na.” They followed for a good 100 yards shadow boxing with me and trying to sing the song.